I have been in a slump of sadness, depressed and some what angry for the past few weeks from receiving the news from a girl friend that her 19 year old daughter Sarah, had only been given weeks to live.
*pauses and takes a deep breath*
Being a friend of the family for around 16 years, I have known Sarah since she was a toddler. At age 15 Sarah was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She had undergone surgery to remove a massive tumour the size of a watermelon, yes a watermelon. There is a reason that the tumour became so big, sadly the family was unaware of Sarah's condition because with Sarah being just a young teenage, she didn't tell anyone that her stomach was getting bigger for no reason. Thinking she was getting fat and being embarrassed about it, she hid her body under large jumpers and jackets until she started having serve stomach pain. Chemo began straight after surgery, after a long recovery Sarah was cancer free. 8 months ago, Sarah began getting pain in her back and sadly the cancer had return but this time they had absolutely no clue as to what type of cancer it was or how to treat. They tried many different treatments for the next couple of months and not a single one was having an affect on this aggressive cancer. There was nothing else they could do and they had no idea how much time Sarah had left.
This morning I received a text from my girl friend containing only 3 simple yet beautiful words that left me heartbroken, angry, shattered and completely devastated. Sadly it's a text that I have unwillingly been expecting and wished would never have to come but am glad in away that now she is no longer in pain.
My babys gone
As I write this post tears continue to roll down both cheeks. With the tears blurring my vision my fingers still manage to hit the right keys. Whether anyone else reads it or not I have found in the past that writing things down can help relieve some of the anguish and stress that can build up from losing someone close. I received the message Saturday morning, moments before leaving the house with my family to go and celebrate Australia day. I took an hour to compose myself and was determined not to put a damper on this day for my kids. I grabbed my dark sun glasses, filled my bag with tissues and we headed off to a local community celebration in a nearby park.
Lots of things were set up for the kids. As I waited in line to take my two kids on a train ride, an impatient women standing behind decided to poke me in the back a few times with her finger and demanded that I hurry, move up to get on the train. There were only a certain number of seats and it was obvious that there wasn't going to be room on this trip, the kids didn't mind because they'd be first on the next one. Plus the man operating the ride even closed the gate in front of us. I was definitely in no mood to deal with such an obnoxious person. Normally I have a long fuse, it takes a lot to push me over the edge but with this mornings news I had no fuse. As I lifted the sunglasses that were hiding my sad teary eyes, I turned to the woman with a majorly fucked off look on my face and said "If you touch me one more time I WILL put you on your arse right here in front of everyone and if you hadn't noticed the ride is full so your just gonna have to wait your turn, PATIENTLY!". I was actually quite pleased that I held back on the f bombs. I lowered my sunnies and turned back around.
After the ride the kids and I went for a walk through the park to see what else was going on. The kids and I had Aussie flag temporary tattoos put on, we checked out the vintage and hotted up cars that were on show, ate bbq sausages then head over to the play equipment. As I watched them play on the climbing equipment tears began to roll from beneath my sunnies and down my cheeks. So glad I had a bag full of tissues. I love my kids tremendously, they mean the world to me. Every minute being with them or even just watching them play is precious and will never be taken for granted. We don't know how long we or those around us are destined to be on this earth for. Live your life to the fullest, enjoy each moment, do what you enjoy doing, don't let anything that anyone else says ever put you down, don't be scared to say I love you, hug your Mum or Dad no matter what your age and the little things do also matter.
Though having trouble enjoying myself at the Australia day celebrations, my kids had an absolute ball and that's all that matters.
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Huge hugs and much love goes out to those of you that have been touch
in one way or another by cancer
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Picture credits:
GOS Boutique: Bare feet - Flat
Tableau Vivant: Lythrum hair - Femboy hunt exclusive
Haus of Darcy: The Crux - Razor - F
Glam Affair: Leah skin - Ethereal Sadness (Past TDR)
NotSoBad: Kate t-shirt - Black & Grey
Immerschoen Girl: Jeans - Black
DIGS: Vesta fireplace and rug (CWNH)
Magenta Co.: SLeenex tissue box
